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 Difficult Conversations in the Workplace  | By Sabrina Thomas | January 21, 2020

Ashira Prossack is a writer for Forbes, and she helps companies understand, engage, attract, and retain Millennial and Gen Z employees, and coaches the next generation of talent to build business and leadership skills. In her article “How To Have Difficult Conversations At Work”, she gives tips and advice on how to proactively have a voice in the workplace, specifically with difficult conversations. Touching points on being direct, planning out the conversation, managing your emotions and offering a solution, this article offers true help to get through tough dialogue with colleagues. There are so many great tips Prossack gives to combat avoiding these conversations, and there are a few worth pointing out.

Being direct is possibly the hardest part of a difficult conversation. It is tempting to want to beat around the bush, when in reality it is wasting time. It is better to rip off the band-aid and start with the main issue. You know that feeling where all of the weight is lifted off of your shoulders and you can breathe a little deeper? This is what being direct will feel like.

Planning out the conversation gives us an advantage to think about everything we have to say, as well as prepare for how the other person may react to it. It is helpful to think of any questions that may arise, and answer them before going into the conversation. A strategy that I personally find helpful is making a list, and making a bullet point for every topic I want to talk about. As Prossack says, “The more prepared you are, the easier it will be to stay even tempered and not get flustered, and therefore deliver a more solid critique.”

Managing our emotions during a difficult conversation is one of the most critical things we can do! In a workplace, we always want to have conversations in a professional manner, and not let our emotions get the best of us, which is very likely in a difficult conversation. Prossack says “don’t let your emotions dictate your delivery.” We should be able to separate our feelings about a relationship from a conversation at work.

Offering a solution allows us to continue the dialogue, rather than hit the other person with a critique and leave it at that. No matter what the conversation is about, there is always a solution, or even just a suggestion, that will benefit the person or the business as a whole.

Always remember that having tough dialogue is better than having no dialogue at all. No one ever looks forward to having these conversations, trust me, I know. But they are conversations that need to be had, and can only be avoided for so long. As painful the thought of having difficult conversations in the workplace is, they can only benefit everyone.

“People almost never change without first feeling understood.” 

― Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

I will be the first to admit that I am absolutely not a confrontational person. Whenever I am in a situation where there is confrontation, I shut down. Little did I know how detrimental this would be for me, as well as the relationships around me. 

Confrontation is one of the main elements of difficult conversations. To me, a difficult conversation can be anything that can make you grimace even when just thinking about it. It’s breaking up with your significant other, it’s telling someone they are not pulling their weight, it’s learning that you did not get that promotion at work.

The reality is that there are so many people just like me, maybe you are one of them. According to this study, 70% of employees are avoiding difficult conversations with their bosses/colleagues. This is such a large number, and it’s a number large enough to crucially harm a business from the inside.

So why are so many people afraid of these conversations? One of the biggest reasons is the lack of trust in the workplace. From the same Bravely study, only 65% of people trust the company they work for. Employees and employers have lost trust in one another, which has led to decreased engagement and increased attrition. For those with the company’s best interest at heart, this trust gap also instills fear in them that speaking up will lead to punishment such as getting demoted or even fired. This belief is both (in most cases) untrue and damaging.

Assuming that employees and employers desire to see the problem solved, trust must be regained. In order for this trust to be regained, companies must provide people with opportunities to verbalize their concerns, as well as the tools they need to approach these conversations in the most productive manner possible. The strategies used will be different for each company, depending on their values and beliefs. Where one company might make an anonymous suggestion box, another may have weekly meetings with the entire staff.

There is something to be learned by everyone, and if there is a true concern or even a difficult conversation to be had. Do not be afraid to speak up, because you will be benefiting yourself and the whole business.